she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
