I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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