I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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