meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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