last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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