the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
