I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
