mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
