Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
