I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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