YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
