Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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