Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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