Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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