Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
