if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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