wakey wakey hands off snakey
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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