she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
