I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
