It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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