I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
