So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
