Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
worst night to have a conscience
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
