One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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