They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
