my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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