No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
