sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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