sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
