Where is the hickey?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
