Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
