hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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