and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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