so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
