i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
His nipple licking is glorious
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