this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
