i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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