Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
