She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
