well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
