I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
there is puke in my bra ... again
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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