dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize