Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
