It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
