Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
