i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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