I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
