hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
