We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
