you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
