I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
